I had been planning a valentines day with Jace. It was disappointing that this couldn't go ahead because of my chest and my body coming out in a nasty rash (itchy, burning AMD blistered) but it didn't mean that there was any love lost. If anything, Jace showed me love with sweet messages and generally being there for me. The distance thing is tough though and my physical limitations can sometimes make things tougher. But in a way, the fact we're still together and as in love as we ever were makes me appreciate him more. We have had times where its been rough, last Christmas was probably the worst because I was stuck in hospital. Unfortunately that is a recurring thing and nothing apart from new lungs one day will fix it.
I'm lucky to have people around to offer love, compassion and support when its needed. Even if it's just popping in to the bedroom to ensure my comfort or going up to the local shops. When I think about where I was emotionally just 4 years ago and compare it to now, I realised just how far I've come. From browbeaten and miserable to bold, confident, independent and happy. It has been a heck of a journey, one where I had to accept that this is what my life is, but a journey I am glad to have taken. That's why I now venture out of the house, yes in my wheelchair and yes I have my oxygen on, and hold my head up high and feel proud.
I love my wheelchair, the one thing it has done for me has its given me my freedom back. Walking around town lost its fun when my lung function started to fail. Limping about as much as possible and then having to go the long way back on the bus just so I could run a nebuliser through. I remember the first time I used a scooter in Tesco. Becky and I were doing our shopping and thought it better as I'd just left hospital and could barely stand up. Since then I've gotten more confidence. I've been using a scooter/wheelchair for nearly 2 years. Its made a difference and I'd like to think that even with morphine on board, my control is excellent, also been told that by others so I have to be doing something right. I've not run in to any one, deliberately (not that I ever would? I mean who would deliberately knock some one over with a wheelchair, there's got to be something very wrong with someone to do that kind of thing) or otherwise. When I'm in control of that chair, its my responsibility to make sure that I, any company I have, and the surrounding people are safe.
Today seems that I'm feverish and drowsy. Kind of part being poorly but still it isn't really nice to feel like you've been burning up. I think the worst thing is how draining it is. It'll get better, just need to fight the infection off then the inflammation and fluid will go away. Just got to take it one day at a time.