Today has been such an odd day. I mean last night I was up most of it tossing, turning and being in a lot of pain and not really able to get a lot of sleep. Its weird that despite being utterly exhausted, I can't really sleep all that well because its just really painful. Every breath feels like I've inhaled glass shards and I think thats kind of effecting me in terms of mood. It's been really obvious to everyone else (but me) that I have not been myself and I've been unusually quiet and subdued, barely saying much and staying out of the way again. I'm certainly not noticing little things about myself, especially when my asthma does it's best to creep up on me.
Actually by the time I noticed this evening, I was well and truly in the midst of a battle and I'm determined to win, rather than get taken to hospital again. I couldn't go back to how things were before, it was draining and depressing to do the 1st time. To get back in to that life would probably be the death of me. I mean, I couldn't fault the work of the brave men and women of the West Midlands Ambulance Trust (I say "Brave" because they deal with so many people, some who are abusive, some who are just plain violent and others who are a waste of time and just wanted a bit of attention and yet they manage to still come back to work and do what they have to to help people) and the staff at my local hospital. In fact, I admire them because they still manage to help you, be it your first time ever or your millionth. I just don't want to go back to that point where I was never out of hospital for more than a few days because it just made me feel like I was just going to be "That ill girl" and it took it's toll on my sanity.
I suppose the next few nights are going to be spent getting to know my tiny new friend and watching him as he grows in to a little character like the other hamsters before him and as he learns to trust me more, I will be able to sit and just spend time with him. Its just going to take a few days before he can trust me properly, but being able to give him a cuddle against me was a start, that and him accepting my gift of a raisin, well both of us gave him a raisin and he seemed pretty happy about things.This morning he even sat and let me give him a gentle stroke and I sat for a little while just talking to him. At least by now, hes managed to stop screaming at me and doesn't seem too bothered if I mess up his bed slightly. Its a process that takes a while and when you do finally win your new pet's trust, its like you wonder how you ever got to that point.
Its been a bit of a varied week, between my asthma being a nightmare, poor weather amongst other things, its been a bit mad around here. Our American friend (well Becky's boyfriend) arrives back tomorrow which will mean that it will all be go in the house for the next few months. Bring it on I say, its a good chance for us all to be happy in each other's company and it's going to be an enriching experience.
3 years ago