I've not really done much since coming home on Tuesday. Actually the main thing I have done is sleep, possibly down to the morphine, and draw. I've really gotten in to my drawing over the last few years and believe my technique and ability has grown. Its nice to find a positive outlet for my moods and it helps me in many many ways. Sometimes you have to find something positive in life to make it feel like a good experience. I don't for one minute call it idyllic but it is what I make it. There's a lot of positive things that have come from being the way I am.
I suppose one way of looking at it is that I have plenty of time to pursue things I enjoy. Whether its sewing or drawing, writing or gaming, I keep myself busy. A busy mind has no time to feel sorry for itself. And that is one thing I never feel, sorry for myself. I'm proud of what I have managed to achieve and aim to do more and more despite my conditions and limitations. I'm not going to be naive enough to believe that every day I'll be a dynamic burst of energy. To be honest, more often than not, my day is broken up with a nap and I do have to rely on my chair (not that I mind my chair, I love it as it means freedom) but I still try and do things, something some in my position wouldn't do, but that's because I am a stubborn bugger and I fight to stay independent. I never ever learned to give up and give in.
Its taken years but rebuilding my self esteem as well as accepting the new challenges my life means has been worth it. If anything I think the chances to grow and mature have made me a better, happier person because it taught me to never take life for granted, enjoy life and generally be a happier person. I'm making the most of it. Its about finding pleasure in things, for me, its my pets. The pigs had a new cage as the bottom of the old one was broken, they love it! There is more than enough room for them to run and play. Since being put in there, Tiggy has done nothing but popcorn and bounce around happily. To me, as a dedicated owner, there is nothing more satisfying to see and it makes me feel like I am doing this right. My pets are spoilt rotten and I know it.
I'm just as always, happy to be here and happy to be getting back on track.