This time of year is really tough on people who are vulnerable. There are all kinds of colds/flu and other viruses around, cold weather and lots of pushing, shoving and me me me. The vulnerable people, be them old or young (because remember, illnesses don't just happen to the elderly), tend to really suffer in the cold. Its particularly harsh on asthmatics, what with then cold, viruses and other things and it can be hard to get a handle on things. The problem is that once it starts, it gains momentum and becomes even harder to get back the control. I'm lucky that there are several safety nets around and I am glad for the ambulance service and the NHS on the whole. I may have gripes about 1 or 2 staff members but on the whole, I respect the work they do. I wouldn't be here otherwise.
Its scary isn't it? Admittedly my health has deteriorated over the year but the weird thing is, since getting the right meds and equipment at home, I haven't been admitted for a while. I've had some near misses and points where before I wouldn't have coped but I am proud of myself for getting the things I needed and not allowing anyone to keep me down. True, I may not make 30 but I am going to give it a bloody good go. I'm not doing it for any reason other than knowing that the more I push and survive, the more fun I'll have and then when it did happen, I won't regret anything. I don't live for petty things like revenge, to get back at someone doesn't do anything. When you waste your life trying to get back at others or blaming other people for your shortcomings, you forget to live. When you get back at whoever slighted you, what are you left with?
I'm liked by my carers and it makes me proud when they say that they like coming to me because of my sunny disposition, friendly nature and generally good outlook and attitude to life. They see people every day who haven't got half of my problems but are so grouchy and don't want to try anymore. People who would rather have everything done for them. I find that approach lazy and its not living, its existing. I do try and do things myself, even of its something small like sweeping the floor or dusting some of my knickknacks or trinkets. There is no excuse for pure laziness, even if it means doing things at my own pace and carrying inhalers or my oxygen tank. In some ways, too much care, even if its in the best intentions is actually bad for people. It makes people not want to do things for themselves and and breeds codependency and that is truly pathetic. Even if it makes me tired, I can't ever let myself be one of those needy people who can't (or let's face it, sometimes they just won't) do things myself. It's just not in my nature.
I'm not going to always like my lot in life but to be honest, it has taught me a lot. I never knew what it really meant to be ill and I look back on the small things that I used to gripe over. I guess its a case of if that was the worst of what I had at the time then I should consider myself lucky. And as bad as things get, I always remember that it could be way worse and that helps me to just keep a grip on things. It also helps to look on the bright side, my illness has helped me get my own place, I have more than enough to live on so I'm secure as well as having the time to do as much as I can. I guess the really bad days are worth enduring because they make the good days so much more special.
This is why I don't let people feel sorry for me, because I am always going to make lemonade when life gives me lemons!