Kicking The Past...

One thing that I have come by is a scented candle. This particular candle is very special. It's a black candle in a glass holder, etched with a tribal wing decal and quotes from the film "Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children", in a rather delicate and tasteful design, and is fragranced with the aroma of the "Sephiroth" Eau de Toilette. I added it to my collection recently and I sat there for a few moments just smelling the delicate fruit notes with earthy undertones, soothing lavender and vanillary kind of smell (not at all unlike the Twilight bath ballistics and the limited edition shower gel that I stocked up on at the end of last year, (yeah, that surprised me as well...) I think I have enough to last out the year) and it almost made me feel a feathered wing furl around me. It was weird how it actually smelled quite like how I thought he would. Kind of earthy and sensual as well as calming and refreshing. I am also getting hold of the perfume (not really so that i can splash it on as that would be a HUGE no no for me, but so that I can wear it occasionally, like my Amaretto perfume) complete with an elegant wing charm which I will probably put on my phone along with a keychain I made with a "Trading Arts Mini". 

I don't burn things like candles. I find that if you burn them often, along with incense and other things, it can become very claustrophobic and clammy in the room. I personally find that if you have 1 scented candle in a room, its subtle and it makes the room feel fresh and clean. Along with, of course, fresh sheets and making sure everything in the room is dust free. Of course, you do have to be careful when trying to maintain cleanliness, its too easy to get things wrong and even easier to wind up forgetting some critical signs that something isn't quite right. I know this, I have done it enough times. It is nice though when you have spent time working on something to just sit there and just think. I think about my projects. I think about the people who have helped me keep my dreams alive. The people who have constantly pushed me to keep going, even on those days when everything seems futile. And the people who have been there when everything went horribly wrong and helped to pick the pieces back up, even when things didn't seem like they could get better. I am thankful for those people and I do honestly feel blessed to have them in my life.

This year has been one about change and so far those changes have been brilliant. I've stopped doing something that was really destructive and it has taken a lot to do. Its been 8 weeks since I last picked up something sharp (either a piece of broken glass or a sharpener blade) and dragged it across the skin on either my arms or my leg. I've done it on and off since I was about 12 but I never ever managed to work out how to stop completely. As a teen, I used to hide it under long, baggy clothes. Or do it in places that no one would ever think to look. The worst one was when I dragged a freezer saw over my arm and needed 5 stitches to close the wound. Its taken me a long time to get over the flashbacks of that day and every time I looked at my scars, I would almost see the whole scene play out over and over again. By finally talking it through, I managed to finally put that to rest and as a result, I realised something. I don't actually NEED to drag sharp things through my skin because of the actions of others. I think that this is a big part of putting my past behind me, where it belongs and its something that over time, I am going to be stronger and happier as a result. I feel that there really is no merit in dragging the past up or point scoring, eventually people stop being interested anyway and then they avoid the one who can't let go. What is important now is that I have improved my life (of course with help from Becky, Nat and Jace) and I am now a lot happier for it. I am going to let this continue and I am going to continue going from strength to strength.

Loves
Wendy xx