For life's little ups and downs.

A rather quirky, funny and sometimes daunting look in to the life of someone who has a lot of health problems but does their best to keep positive. Punctuated by guinea pigs, anime, superheroes, transforming robots and cross stitching.

I started this blog to tell my story, about who I am and what I do. On top of the health problems and raising awareness for those, I also use my blog as a way to help promote other causes, particularly ones which affect the most vulnerable. I live with a number of different and complex health problems but I refuse to let anything get me down. I know how it feels to be discriminated against or thrown aside. This is me. This is my life. I live it and do what I want with it. Nature sets the limitations. We set the boundaries.

About Me:

A blog about life. I live with Bi-Polar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as Type 1 Brittle Asthma, Various Allergies, Neutropenia, Chronic IBS, Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis, PCOS and Osteoporosis and Heredetary Spastic Paraplegia. I live with these conditions, but I refuse to let them keep me down and out. I still try and make the most of my days despite being so poorly and having to rely on my wheelchair, nebulisers, nearly 50 pills a day and 2l/min of oxygen.

I'll flap my broken wings and erase it all someday... You'll see.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

The beginning... my first steps.

This is the beginning of a new journey, and I'm full of questions.

Where will it take me?
How will I get there?
How will I know when I'm there?
How long will it take?

Its a lot really to be wondering about but I'm sure as time goes on, I'll know the answers.

You see I hit a bit of a wall in my life earlier this year and it really shocked me. Going from a slender, independant and mature young woman to bloated and scared to leave the boundaries of my front door for fear of people's judgements and comments. I'd all but given up on having what one would call a 'normal' life, spending most of my time in hospital, after the struggle to get me out of my safe place, either on the wards, staying for up to 2 weeks at a time, go home for a couple of days then the cycle began again, or the 4 hour long waiting to get better, or at least well enough to sleep in my own bed. Slipping deeper in to my depression and harming myself intentionally just because I felt bad about feeling bad. Sounds miserable doesn't it?

But then again, I don't think I had it any worse than anyone else. I don't now or never have or ever will. There are two young women who I admire and respect for their struggles with Interstitual Lung Disease and how well they have coped, staying strong. I am proud to have spoken to them on occasion and they really are extraordinary.

My main problems were learning to cope with it all. Cope with physical illness and constant pain, infection after infection (some of which were nasty pneumonias) which caused some minor scarring in my lungs as well as the emotional side, the urges to do some downright horrid things to myself just for what I thought would be atonement, nights of not sleeping and blaming myself for everything that was wrong. I have learned and I started giving myself various outlets.

What changed? Well I did. I made the decisions to strive for accurate diagnosis to what was making it so hard to breathe at times, get the treatment to help and make me feel better and gradually I started to feel better and I became me again. I realised my dreams and am looking forward to my new path in nursing. I gave myself outlets through art and music to relieve the pressure, playing in a band is one of the most fun things I've ever done and Omen Shadow are wonderful people to work with.

Well I took my first steps, now for the rest of the Journey.

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