My Journey... every step of the way.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit rotten. This is nothing of particular concern, I mean, living with what I have to live with it can be understandable that I can wake up in the morning feeling a bit out of sorts and it has been something I have come to expect. Particularly after an episode of my asthma flaring up, that can be a particularly flat time for me.

Asthma attacks are, if you have never experienced one, exhausting. Sometimes you can actually feel the strain of your lungs trying their hardest to inflate and sometimes you can even feel the strain in other muscles in your body, for me it has always been around my collarbones, stomach and intercostal muscles that take the strain. I have even had occasions where the strain and resulting pain has even affected my sternum and diaphragm leaving my chest wall to feel like it has been ripped to bits. I do find that sometimes after a struggle I can actually feel more exhausted than I was during the actual thing itself (adrenaline can be a bitch at times) and then I have been known to just hit the deck and not wake up until the next day. One such occasion meant I slept from 4PM on a Tuesday and woke on the Wednesday at 10AM...

Yesterday was one of those attacks that just come out of nowhere with no real warning. I had been taking Jace back to the station (a time I hate because I do miss him horribly when he isn't here) and I had only gotten about halfway up the path that connects where I live to the main road where the bus stop is. I had been a bit riled up about something (that will not be discussed here as it isn't a matter of importance) and was suddenly so short of breath that we had to turn back, after nebs and a few moments rest, I was soon back to how I had been before, but by the time we had finally gotten back home, I think I must have looked like I hadn't slept for a month. I spent the evening doing a few quiet things and had gone to bed rather earlier than usual. I don't think I woke at all in the night and the next thing I was aware of was the man, a rather lovely decorator called Bob, coming to just finish the last little job on our bathroom.

The bathroom works are now finally complete. They completely tore everything out (including the old bath, sink and toilet and replaced it all. Its been repainted (after the poor job from the man who had done the last paint job, he actually lost his job because of his shoddy work) and it looks really nice. Last night we actually enjoyed a bath (sharing a bath saves water and its quite fun) and when we finished we sat and chatted about everything and anything. This whole experience has been interesting for both of us, I mean Becky has had to learn about me and my issues and I have also had to learn to adjust to Becky's issues as well. It has been challenging at times, it has to be said, but at the same time it has also been enjoyable and I think we have both learned a lot about ourselves as well. But then again I do believe there is truth to the idea that if two people can argue with each other and not want to either run as far away from each other as possible or tell either party to leave then they are ultimately comfortable and close as human beings.

Besides, you can't always get on with each other and when you live in close quarters it is understandable that there can be a few disagreements about things. I think the biggest issue that Becky and I have is that we are both two very strong and independent women who know our own minds and opinions. Neither of us likes to be told what we think or feel by anyone else and when you get two people like that together, it is probably like watching two hurricanes trying to overpower each other and ultimately the two hurricanes or minds then become one mind, which to someone who tries to split them off, it can become so dangerous and destructive.

But what we sometimes forget is that no matter how bad things are, or how cross a word is towards each other, deep down we only argue like that because we do genuinely care about each other and sometimes can't see exactly where the other is coming from. Sometimes it just happens but it has never lasted too long and afterwards it all gets forgotten and we go back to chilling out together and being happy.

The good news is that the internal works on the laptop are complete, the new button board that I had been waiting for arrived this morning, after a quick chat with the postman (who met and said hello to Kadaj who was out of his cage for a while) and a fitting that took me less than 10 minutes (all I really had to do was connect the short ribbon to the mousepad and the long ribbon to the motherboard, replace the keyboard and powerbutton ribbons, screw it all back down in to place and it was over with) and now I have full functionality of my beloved laptop. I don't mean to brag, but I am getting better and faster at taking apart my Toshiba Satellite L500-1XL laptop, much like the old Toshiba NB100 netbooks (if I ever see the inner workings of one of those it will be too soon) and now all repairs can be carried out quickly, efficiently and I'm proud of that.

Loves
Wendy xx