Keeping it simple...

Is it me or are the simpler things always the nicest? I think just lately and after such a scary admission on Monday, I really have just taken stock of everything around me and looking at everything from a different angle. Normally by this stage of the week, I would frankly be really bored and grousing for something to do with my time. These last few days, I just took to relaxing to music, rediscovering bands and songs that I like, and I mean REALLY like. I think we take small things for granted as we forget that they are only there because we work for them.

I am still carrying my I Pod round with me, rather like a small child with a teddy bear, and every chance I get, I just seem to be either listening to my music or playing on the PSP. OK its been mainly on the X box as well just lately, but where I am on FF XIII you really have to grind the levels to get anywhere, which can get tedious and frustrating. I mean, I have walked around the same environments and beaten up the same monsters for the umpteenth time in the last few days, but as soon as my levels are maxed out completely and the weapons and accessories can't upgrade further, I will then look at fighting the rather ominous looking boss that seems to be looming at the end of the road.

I think that just lately, I have just been blowing off steam and venting my frustrations over everything. Waiting for something to happen. Unfortunately, I can,t keep waiting as I know in myself that there really isn't that much that can be done for me at the moment. Unless of course it is found that my sputum samples do grow something, and then they will treat for mild Bronchiectasis which would entail all kinds of prophylactic antibiotics and physio to help me clear my chest a bit more effectively. I have to email my consultant's secretary soon and make an appointment. I emailed him yesterday and told him everything that had been going on these last few weeks and he wants to see me, catch up and get everything back on track, I am on 40mg of Pred today and its getting on my nerves, but I have had this rant many times before.

Today, I managed to get out for a bit, Ant was off to Evesham for a spot of job hunting, and asked if I would like to go with him. I jumped at the chance to get out of here for a little bit, have some time for myself and get some space. At times being stuck at home when there really isn't an awful lot anyone can do about it can get more irritating than anything else. I think after a while the walls start to close in around you and all you really want is to just get out and escape for a little while. I do admit there are times I do miss my independence, where as before I used to come and go as I pleased and only had to worry about going to work, but I also realise that I can all to easily fall in to dispair and that wouldn't help anyone really.

Enough of my ramblings really, I hope you are all keeping well.

Loves
Wendy xx 

Taking a few days...

Sometimes when your feeling a little crappy and sorry for yourself, you just need to make some time for yourself. I guess thats what I have been trying to do today, watching some (for want of a better word) crappy TV, playing some video games (OK I need to lay off Oddworld at the moment as I had a dream that I was Abe's girlfriend... I have NO idea there) and resting up as best as possible.

Yes the picture is of my dream fella... OK I was a blue Mudoken so at least it wasn't inter-species, but yeah I was dreaming that my boyfriend was Abe... and we met when he saved me from an especially angry and aggressive Scrab (some sort of shrieking creature with teeth and a nasty temper) by possessing it so that I could climb up and escape. It was nice in a sort of disturbing way. Among my usual dreams involving Sephiroth and fighting monsters in Midgar. I am starting to worry about my sanity.

Today was spent just spent relaxing, playing on Dissidia and Final Fantasy XIII. Last night I found out THE coolest thing I have heard in a while. There is going to be a sequel to Dissidia... I CAN'T WAIT! It's only March so it isn't like waiting for the first one. I am a bit of a gaming nut but if I am honest, it is all I have to do during the day sometimes, other than running myself ragged, cleaning and then flopping in to bed with exhaustion.

I have recently acquired an I Pod (buying it from my friend Ant) and am currently smitten with it. The thing spends so much time in the pouch around my neck or in my hand, tucked in to the waistband of my PJs, or under my pillow. Its like all of a sudden I am joined at the hip... not that this is a bad thing. For the record... yes Ant, I did put Advent Children on there in the end... couldn't help myself, but lying in bed watching Cloud and Sephiroth go at it was in a word... AWESOME!! Just lately, its the simple pleasures that I am really taking in, I know that sounds corny, but it is just the simple things that make my life just a little more palatable.

Loves
Wendy xx

Off to a good Start...

Well 2011 has begun and it has started with a bang. Well, on New Years Day, I woke up and helped a very amazing friend move in to his new home, yesterday, I went out with JP and his friend Sean, our other guitarist John and drummer Dave and had our first rehearsal as a band. It was amazing to just to cut loose and sing, scream and generally express myself on a microphone that way to music. It's been years since I had done it and was starting to feel repressed and a little isolated. I practiced so hard and went for it and was so tired afterward that I spent my time trying to go back to sleep.

Today has been productive as we spent most of it cleaning the flat ready for the year ahead. Every 6 months or so, we like to clean EVERYTHING and make sure everything is done and clean. During a major clean out, we will go behind the bookcase, guinea - pigs and other things, wipe the skirting boards and all the rest of it. Its not the most pleasurable of pursuits for a day, BUT it is worthwhile as it keeps the dust mite population down and stops any nasty smells or germs coming in and making our lives more difficult.

I have been letting my creative side slip a little on the print work, but I WILL get back in to that asap. its just been so all over the place these last few days that I just need a little time to recharge my batteries slightly. I did make strides towards that by getting plenty of rest and sleep. My lungs are taking an exception to a lot of this lately and its a little more painful at the moment than I would like to admit. I have a beast of a cough and its got its usual fruity wheeze to it so it could be that I have something on the brew. It wouldn't surprise me if theres something going on, I had a temp this morning and last night and was shivering like mad so it could be some kind of infection of sorts.

Loves
Wendy x

A great night of music... followed by a not so fun night....

Last night's gig was a great laugh, even if we had our share of set-backs, although it was nothing on what happened to Labas! who had to endure 2 power cuts, a fire alarm and a few other things. However they like many other good showmen, (and women respectively) they managed to entertain and put on a show. The guys were awesome, and had such a laugh.

The other band that played last night was a band called "The Nightmare Circus" another great band and set of guys, I got talking to them after the show, they enjoyed our set, and we enjoyed theirs, so that is a definate plus. It is a great chance to find other local bands and set up a link, if you can network with enough people at a gig, it will practically guarantee that you will be asked to support again in the future. As for me, after the set, I was networking with as many different people, from bands, to audience members, and I was given some incredible opportunities, but as one of them is a secret from John to the rest of Labas! I will keep my gob shut for now.

We played well, other than a few slip-ups, a flying nebuliser and my puffers deciding that at the last song they REALLY didn't want to know, so after a few nebs and a rest, I decided that I needed to get my tight-laced corset off. After that, I enjoyed my night, talked with friends and was genuinely back to where I was 2 years ago, even with limitations.

Roll around to bedtime, the story was a little less than rosy. I was up until 5 this morning nebbing every 20 minutes and struggling to keep peak flow up past the 200 l/min mark. I probably should have gone in, but with the snow outside, and ambulances struggling as it is, I decided to persevere until morning and if no better call GP for guidance. Luckily around 5, things had calmed down enough so I could get some sleep, which really helped me recover a bit. That was until upstairs decided that it was appropriate to play their dance music at such a volume that everyone in the 16 - 24 flats around them could hear them and they were getting seriously annoyed. Next door originally thought it was us, until we showed him where it was coming from.

Unfortunately, the situation stands that I have had 4 hours sleep, and I have no idea what my peak flow is yet, not felt brave enough to have a go at it... if I need to neb more regularly than every hour today then I will have to go in, no questions asked.

I will take this chance here and now to wish you all a VERY Happy Christmas and a Safe, Prosperous New Year.

Stay Safe

Loves
Wendy x

How it feels to be alive...

I realised the strangest thing on Thursday night, and it only took me till now to work out how I really felt about it. It was the first time in a while (last time was when I broke my hand, not a wise thing to do but I was angry and it was punch the door or someone else), that the band played at Top Banana. Usually we practice at Rich's place, of course with his parent's kind permission and Rich's own wonderful hospitality, and it is such a good laugh and we have fun, but it felt amazing to play at a proper studio and on a live kit.

It gave the songs this amazing new lease of life and when we flew in to my particular favourite, "The Call To Arms" I was completely pumped and bounced around and danced, until I became light headed and nearly passed out. I went home from practice sore, but so so SO happy that I just couldn't stop grinning, even though my lungs were screaming.

I have always enjoyed playing in bands. Way back I used to sing in a band that myself and my then boyfriend Mike had started called Sleepy Down. The room we were in last night was the one that we usually used for those practices. I remembered so well the days, nights and the rest of it that we dedicated to writing our songs and getting ready for the 3 gigs we did. I could almost see myself at 17, 18 or even 19 years old, sitting with my notebook writing lyrics or bounding over to the mic to concoct some kind of melody. I missed that plucky young girl and it was nice to get back in touch with her again. I almost felt as though I was 18 years old again and bouncing around madly, just using a blue inhaler and not worrying about the scarring in my lungs as it hadn't been created yet.

I guess this whole playing in a band experience, and singing in another band with JP, have both helped bring me back to who I was and who I should be, and I like that as it is such a positive feeling and I can't help but smile and laugh because everything feels 10 times easier and even though my body is physically crap at the moment, I know I will get there and overcome things. I took advantage of what I used to have and who I used to be and that left me with nothing when all that went away. I won't ever do that again and I will appreciate every day that little bit more and be thankful for every day I can go without using my nebuliser or calling for an ambulance.

My brother Richard and his partner Gemma have had a baby this week and this made me smile like a Cheshire cat! Baby Lincoln was born on the 9th December 2010 and I am happy to say that both mother and baby are doing well!

Loves
Wendy x

I can't wait for you to shut me up...

Living with a lung disease can be very tiresome at times indeed, but I never was one to stop and do nothing because of it. Heck, I always believed in living my life and doing whatever I wanted in spite of my problems, more proof that, as a friend of mine says, Life is what you make it.

Today was a good day. A friend of mine introduced me to a guy called Josh. Josh is young, vibrant and has a fiery passion for music and the arts. Something I can relate to very well. He came with his guitar, amp, pedal and other equipment. We had a good guitar session, I even tried singing (although I confess, I am a little rusty as I haven't sung for quiet some time). It was great fun. Until about 3 when my lungs decided that they really REALLY didn't want to play anymore and they did, as asthmatic lungs do, begin to tighten and become wheezy and breathing became difficult and painful. It took me about 2 nebs again to calm it down and get things back under my control.

It left me tired and weak unfortunately, as those of us who live with asthma know it can. So I decided to recount my thoughts for today and how I was feeling about things. Interestingly it seemed like the right time to do this, as I had merged and coloured 2 separate pieces of work and making them in to one image. I'd never tried this before and it actually worked out well, the 2 images solo didn't fill the page, so the 2 put together made the picture complete.

I guess today's lesson is to push back when your body wants to rebel, its not a bad thing to challenge whatever is going on inside you, just as long as your sensible obviously.

Carpe Diem!

Wendy x