Gig Tonight!

I am really looking forward to tonight, Omen Shadow are playing and it is going to be so much FUN! Am I nervous? Maybe a little, but I know it will pay off and will be a good night. As for today, I am pampering, and indulging myself so that when I go on stage, laced in and looking amazing, the lights start and the crowd get jumping, I can really adopt my own stage persona. Stage Wendy is fearless, energetic and most of all passionate.

So far my pink hair has gone down a treat and people have been really receptive to it. I think sometimes by changing something that at first seems small or trivial, you can really wash over with a new lease of life and I think thats what I was going for. I was getting sick of the frumpy and depressed look and wanted to show people what I look like, and I think I finally achieved it, I found ME again.

These last couple of days, I have been feeling a bit crap due to this and that, mainly I was getting frustrated that things were a bit pants really when it came to my chest. I am so desperate to go back to working and living what was a normal life for me and I think because of that, I forgot what was really important, accepting what is real now, and leaving my fantasy world where every illness has a cure and everything works out perfect for everyone. I was being idealistic and taking hope just that little bit too far and then getting depressed and miserable when things didn't work out that way, even though, I should have known really that it wouldn't. There is a difference in accepting your lot and being a defeatist, and I know that now.

So this morning, I woke up, took my peak flow and had a neb. I didn't feel like I had failed or like I was weak and pitiful. I saw myself as a strong and confident young lady who, yes goes through a lot, but goes forward and does what she needs to.

I also want to wish a friend of mine a rapid recovery and hope she gets free of the hospital in time for Christmas.

Loves
Wendy x

Getting there...

I'm getting better, OK its a little slow and shaky but its progress. I know this sort of thing cannot be rushed really, but I can't wait to be back to my old, creative self. But this has given me time to meditate and plan some new ideas, even a Christmas card and a way of finally putting a lot of stuff in to words.

OK this will only make sense to some but I will try and explain it as best as possible. In the original Transformers cartoons from the 1980's there were groups on both sides called the Combiner Teams. Each one consisted of around 5 or 6 different robots, and sometimes these robots all had very different personalities and attitudes. The most extreme of cases was a robot called Menasor who was made from the Stunticons.

All of them hated each other and when they combined, they created this beast that was often so confused as to what it would do that individual parts acted independantly, but usually it was to the detriment of those around, friend or foe.

Now, I mention this, not for any sort of promotion for the Transformers, but as an analogy for medical teams. A lot of medical teams in the UK now-days work separately to help a patient, regardless of what other teams are doing and it leads to an awful lot of confusion. I guess what I am getting at here is that perhaps doctors and hospitals should liase with each other better and improve safety, and if there is a reason for treatments to be withheld, perhaps those reasons should be discussed with the patient. Maybe its that transparancy that is what is needed with the NHS these days.

And I go off on a tangent again, as I am liable to do. Right now, I have cannonballed a can of berry Relentless, chocolate and shortbread. I should be a lot more awake really, but right now am not and am really starting to think that this is unhealthy. A diet of high sugar and not much else, OK my weights dropped off, but I am either hyperactive and nuts or sleeping for hours, and even days on end. Need to get back in sync methinks...

Love you all
Wendy x

Thank you for the support :D

Hey everyone! I just checked my stats, comments and messages, I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone who reads this blog and for your support. Its wonderful to hear from you all and it really makes me smile to know you all enjoy my anecdotes and honesty.

I love you guys!!