Struggling somewhat...

After last night's attacks and other problems, I have found myself struggling quite a bit today, and catching my breath seems to be a bit of an issue. But if I am honest, this is the usual effect of a chest infection, something that even though it is not a pleasant concept, it seems to be something I contracted as a result of going to a certain house. It did get me thinking, and then I made a decision and picked up the telephone and called Redditch Social Services, I think after all of this, it has gone on for WAY too long and there is no good to come of any of this anymore.

As for me, well, I am just dealing the only way I know how. Just doing it and doing what I can to eliminate the symptoms as they arise and keep an eye on things if they get more hairy, but I am hoping that it doesn't come to that, not after last time and Steve's reactions to it. OK this was before the Sertraline was started, so maybe if I have to, I will have to just bite the bullet and get help when I need it. Although I pray for it not to come to that again.

As for the noise problem here, well thats as bad as ever. The people above us are horrendously noisy and the guy next to us thinks we're the ones doing it, so he blasts his music as payback, problem it isn't us, I keep it very quiet as I don't like loud music unless I am out at a gig. It is like living below one nightclub and next to another and its not a pleasurable thing. I wouldn't mind as much if it wasn't all Dub-Step which is just a headache in the making. Nothing makes me more grumpy than people being inconsiderate. By nature I am not a grumpy person, but when I am denied the minimal of peace, quiet and a chance to recuperate I do get a little annoyed as I know and understand all too well the consequences of this and its not fun.

In myself, I feel better as I am not being sick constantly now, so at least there is a positive there, and I am a little less achy, I guess what is annoying me the most is the strange gunk I am shifting off my chest as it is a lovely reddish brown colour and tastes a little odd, but I could have torn something from the vomiting and coughing of the last few days, so it is just a case of watch this space and hope for the best really.

Loves
Wendy xx

Things bugging me...

Ever have one of those days where there is just so many things bugging you that you can't seem to just have quiet serenity? I think today is one of those days. I spend so much time taking the step back from my problems and looking at them from another perspective that I forget to take the step forward. As a result, I forget that the thing I was looking at was actually the reality of my own life, and its like a bubble bursts and all I can see is the cold reality of what my life is and that leaves me feeling blue and longing for my old life.

My old life was a lot more positive and comfortable and my body wasn't slowly falling apart from under me. I used to be able to walk for miles and not have to think about inhalers, nebulisers or a cocktail of pills that keep me going. I guess thats why I started getting annoyed with Steve telling everyone and anyone about his 50mg of Sertraline and shouting about it in public. These things aren't a novelty, they are real things and they have real effects on you. I take the same drug, and I have 3 times that and I don't complain about it or boast as NO ONE CARES. Maybe what rattled my cage is the fact he was on about having 1 pill a day, when I have a whole mess of pills and other things, call me silly, but I thought that was a little insensitive and tactless, but that could be just me.

I guess I never wanted to see what was happening to me as its not pretty nor is it fun. It makes me wonder why someone would want to be exactly in my shoes?

Loves
Wendy x

Update...

Well it seems Steve managed to suck it up and stop acting like a spoiled child. For this I am glad. Upstairs however, decided to have one of their mad dance parties that they have on a regular basis. So this means EXCESSIVELY loud music and what sounds like hippos playing musical chairs and falling over themselves. This usually goes on until 2-3 AM. Not a palatable prospect when you have to rest to clear your chest off and get rid of fluid.

All I want to do is sleep and be out of pain, is that really too much to ask for, really?

It looks like there is another flat that needs a noise abatement order as this is completely unfair and they know of the situation, heck they were watching me go in to the ambulance from their balcony so really they should have used common sense. If someone has been in hospital around you, it is only courtesy to keep the noise down so that they recover. Or am I just being an idealist here? Someone please tell me I am DYING to know so I can adjust my attitude as needed.

I really need sleep. I am becoming tearful and overtired and its really starting to affect my judgment and making me 100% more irrational, so I keep getting wound up, but unfortunately my neighbors REFUSE to let me get some sleep. I hope they read this and realise that they are starting to make my health suffer and my piece of mind is rapidly ebbing away.

At least I have managed to cough a bit, not shifted anything but its a start. It really is exhausting when I cough and it hurts a lot. I am so tired that eating is like an Olympic event and nebbing has become a 4 hourly ritual. Fun. The very good news is my temp is down from 40.6 to 37.5 so thats a start in itself. I will get through this.

Loves
Wendy x