URG!

I think I ought to get myself laminated. You know so nothing ever sticks to me and all the germs would wipe away, rather than manifest themselves in to my system and making me feel like death warmed over. All I did was go to a supermarket!!

Yesterday I had been somewhat unsettled, rattling from one thing to the next and not really taking a lot of time out to relax. Thing is, I have been very uneasy and in a lot of pain. My lungs were a bit grumpy and just don't seem to want to leave me to it just yet. So maybe rushing around and having a mad dash with the vacuum cleaner wasn't one of my better moves, but at the end of the day, it needed doing and these things really don't do themselves.

Today I just want to get some rest and maybe game for a bit. I have a game I was hunting all over for coming my way in the post now so I am happy about that. As well as the fact my skinny jeans slid on this morning without me having to undo them, not bad for jeans that 6 months ago, were 2 inches from making the button meet! That in itself is something of a small accomplishment isn't it? I also can get my old camo blazer back on, OK not quite at closure yet, but I can now wear it, so theres a start. I wouldn't mind, but the damage and stretching to my skin thanks to Pred means that I will always have loose, sagging skin around my stomach and boobs, but then again, maybe one day, I may go for a tummy tuck! If that can be afforded that is!

Last night, I was surprised by a call from Stacey. Bless her, she was really worried as I hadn't been online or texting much for well over 2 weeks. Truth be told, I just hadn't felt up to much and had spent the most part of that time either asleep or blogging. I go online and all of a sudden, my MSN was going mad with people wanting to catch up. Maybe what I want to say here is, if I am not online, its not that I don't want to talk, its probably more of a case that I just want to sleep or have been playing with my darling little pups!

The pups are really starting to show their little personalities. Hope is a sweet little thing who likes to get in to all kinds of mischief. I can't move from one end to another without him wheeking at me (or trying to wheek anyway, but he is so tiny and cute that it sounds like he inhaled helium!), he followed me around the bed yesterday, before settling on my belly and falling asleep. Very cute! Gizmo is a right little baby bull! Knows exactly where he wants to be and will he stop until he gets there? Will he heck! Just lately he has taken to gnawing the bars of the cage, hopefully something he will grow out of! Hope, however has a more... pressing matter. He is still humping like mad at the moment, but I think soon he will get the picture and stop it. Alphonse used to hump like there was no tomorrow, and then he grew out of it at the age of 8 months.

Loves
Wendy xx

Addition to the blog...

I have added a little bit of my own story to my blog. I thought it was important to show where I came from and where my emotions stem from. No it is not a pretty story, but it, like the rest of my blog is honest and doesn't hide or gloss over anything.

I wanted to post it as a Blog Post as it is really important for people to know where I came from:

My Story

I was born in the town of Stafford to Mr and Mrs Fullard in 1987. I was an awkward child, and I never really mixed with the other kids. I was a weird kid so its not surprising really. I never made many friends, but the ones I made I loved deeply and they were rocks of strength for me.
I went through Primary school without too much trouble and enjoyed it for the most part, but when I went to Weston Road High School in 1999, my family's reputation followed me and I was branded as so many unpleasant things. I spent 3 years there and was raped by one of my school bullies at the age of 12, it wasn't a standard sexual intercourse, but he forced he to perform oral sex. I felt so worthless and the gleam in my eyes started to fade. I never told people because I was so afraid.
My home life wasn't a bed of roses either. I was pretty much ignored by my mother, abused by my father in so many ways, and a physical and emotional punching bag for my older brother Stephen. I remember very well the mornings when my friend Leona would come to walk to school with me and the scenes she would witness. I would be lying on the floor being punched, kicked and strangled. Always in places I could hide by clothes. I would tell my mother who would accuse me of "making it up", "hurting myself" or "provoking Stephen". At that point I did none of these, unless wishing someone a good morning was ample provocation for a good kicking and a strangling.
I was lonely and depressed by the time I was 13 and spent much time alone in my bedroom harming myself with pencil sharpener blades and other kitchen implements. My friend told people what was going on at home, things went sour as a result in my brother's relationship. I took the blame each time and the beatings got worse. The result is a slight crushing of my larynx, which I had to explain to a bemused doctor as to how it happened. I felt so cornered and there was no escape.
By the time he left home, I was a terrified little kid that was so scared of leaving the safety of her own bedroom. When I was 14, I had my first nervous breakdown and I attempted suicide in my bedroom with blades and pills, although my mum came in before I took them, and was taken out of Weston Road. I spent 13 weeks at home until I started Rising Brook that September. In that time, I attempted suicide a few more times as I felt as though I just couldn't cope anymore.
The rest of my school years passed OK, I got counseling for my depression and anxiety disorders and began to heal my wounds. Until I was raped at 15. I never felt so worthless and I trusted no-one. I attempted suicide again, fortunately, my mother and then Step-father (who I look upon as my Dad) hid the really sharp knives and the ones I could find were dull and blunt.
I then had my relationship with Mike, which had it's ups and downs until we split up.
I now live with Steve and things are looking up. We have had our issues but what relationship hasn't, I now know that he loves me for who I am and respects me for coming through hell, still smiling.
I am who I am and I am not ashamed of that person.

Thank you all for reading.


Wendy x