A Month Later...

Its been a month now since our beautiful Alphonse passed away so suddenly. He really was such a sweet little creature and we do miss him, horribly. I think it was so sudden that we lost him and the fact he was little more than the guinea pig equivalent of a teenager just made the whole thing seem just that little bit sadder. I still sometimes look over at the cage and expect to have this black and white face looking back at me, then start wheeking happily for more food. Unfortunately we don't see him, but we do see our precious pups.

So I guess on the other side of it, it has been a month since we got Hope and Gizmo. Hope is about 7 weeks old now and is as boisterous as ever. He sat with me the other day and just cuddled up, then started making these sweet high pitched noises as he ran over and just sat on me. Everytime I move, he follows me like a lost puppy. It is safe to say, I have been adopted by this little one as Mum. I don't mind as he is such a little tinker! He keeps me on my toes.

Gizmo, who is 10 weeks old, is settling down a lot better now as well. When we first got them both, Gizmo was very skittish and would kick and squeal if you went to pick him up. Steve has done a great job with him and has trained him to be more social, I think they are very taken to each other and obviously, Gizmo is getting more used to me as well which obviously is a good thing.

As for me, well I am starting to settle down in myself a bit now. Admittedly, my chest has had other ideas and I spent last night in the hospital which wasn't fun, but at least I am now on something to try and clear my chest a bit. If this doesn't work then I will go back to Dr Pike and see what he says. What really took my doctor by surprise (the very lovely Flight Lieutenant, an RAF doctor, VERY yummy!!) was the fact that I was left to become clinically exhausted all because I had 2 of the most incompetent paramedics, who are probably good with the more obvious, but a silent chested asthmatic wasn't one of those things they knew. Luckily this seems to be a dying breed in paramedics, but you do admittedly get the odd one or 2 who are frankly clueless.

I was given more nebs, steroids, painkillers and antibiotics and, funnily enough, I began to make a recovery quick enough to be allowed home, some 4 hours later.

Loves
Wendy xx

So much like hard work...

Even when I wake up and my back is so painfully stiff and my chest is unhappy, I still try my hardest to get some odd-jobs around the place done. In less than an hour, I managed to clean the kitchen, store room AND the main room of the flat. Vacuuming, bleaching and anti-bacterial spraying the sinks and actually putting things away, rather than leaving them strewn around the small store room. It is an annoying habit of both of ours to just drop everything in to the store room and leave it there. Instead of putting things back in the correct places.

Now I admit that at times, I can be very untidy and disorganised. I will be the first to admit this folly of mine and I know it is something that I can and will work on as time goes by. One thing that really did annoy me though was in the kitchen, the windowsill hadn't been done in months and was so dirty and dusty that when I washed it down, as well as the objects that take residence on there, the water was a lovely shade of greasy brown. Yuck! I managed to clean this up and spray it with some antibacterial spray to kill off any nasties that had decided to take residence there. I was impressed really with the result of my work.

Before I did the kitchen and store room, I did do the main room of the flat. I spent most of yesterday dusting the sides down and the models, so all that was needed here was a good hoover and that would be done and dusted. So to speak. Admittedly this would have been WAY easier, had the hose of the vacuum cleaner not split, so I ended up having to glue that back in to place... Not as easy as that sounds, but do-able and the cleaner is as good as new!

No one could ever accuse me of not doing my fair share of the work around here, and my lungs had a strop to prove it to all of us that not only do I work hard enough around here, but it really is a drain on me at the moment, with my energy being as low as it is. I think I have proven my point though. I do work harder than most around here. In a while, I will be working out what needs to go out of our payment tomorrow morning and draft up a shopping list...

Fun huh? Well this is the demands of running my own household and dealing with my problems, as well as what "problems" Steve has as well.

Loves
Wendy xx

Never felt this tired before...

Everytime I think that I couldn't get any more tired than the episode before, my body really does like to prove it can do one better! After my last few hospital runs, I was tired, stressed and irritable as hospital had become a bit of a negative experience. Not because of the being in and having things done to me, but more the effect this had on Steve. He would get stroppy and aggressive for days after, for reasons even he doesn't even know. It is a lot to put up with sometimes.

This time there has been none of it, but could that be the fact that this attack was one of the worst ones I had ever had. What got me was I was so terrified of going in because of Steve's reactions to me being in hospital, I fought this bugger for 2 days. 2 days of nebbing, hoping and trying my best to not have a huge one. Unfortunately we all know what happens when it comes to the best laid plans of mice and men, or should we say "hamsters and Wendy's". It, as it was destined to, went completely awry and I was so sick, had the Magnesium not done it, I would be lying in ITU this very moment.

This has only just sunk in, and it has really rattled me. I have had close calls, but nothing to this extremity or to this kind of effect. I really need to stop fighting this and just accept it, when I need to go in, I NEED TO GO IN OR I WILL DIE, and at only 23 years old, I really have too much to do first, as nice as the idea of the Rainbow Bridge is, I am not ready to go there. Not just yet.

It was strange, although I only did a few things today, nothing too strenuous, I am absolutely exhausted and am actually getting ready for bed at an early time. Neighbors permitting of course!

Loves
Wendy xx

Getting back to normal(ish)...

Today is the first official day after being in hospital, and I have been trying to get back in to a more normal routine and pick up where I left off. Which I will openly admit is difficult for me at the moment as the smallest things are making me feel very tired.

I slept for 12 hours last night, and didn't even notice, until I was woken by a very small and very cute little animal coming to give me a cuddle. Hope is a little angel and he loves coming up and saying hello to me and curling up next to me. It  is very sweet and comforting really, knowing such a tiny little animal has adopted me as his surrogate mother. I moved over to get something last night and the little tinker came running up to me wheeking his little head off, clambering up on to Tigger and snuggling up in the crook of my arm. How cute!!

When I finally rolled out of bed, around 11, we went and got a few odds and ends from Iceland, we were running short on the basics which happens unfortunately and at least one of us needed to go, and well, I had spent the last 2 days lying around doing nothing so I thought that instead of just doing more laying around doing nothing, I would go too. It was harder work than I expected and I was shattered by the time I got back home, maybe I did do a bit too much too soon, but I like to test my boundaries from time to time. It is good to know where I stand and what I can do, rather than what I can't which gets depressing.

Hey ho, I am back home now and have decided to take to my bed for a while, catch up on TV I missed, do some reading (actually am enjoying the Metal Gear Solid novelization), Sudoku and other more sedentary pursuits, except maybe a band practice so long as I take it easy and be careful about my chest.

Loves
Wendy xx

Escape from the Alex...

Sounds like it should be an action flick doesn't it? Sadly it ended up looking more like an episode of Casualty without the blood and guts. OK so there was a little blood, but that was just from my IV line when it exploded then shut down. When an IV explodes, there is a sudden gush of blood, and usually I bleed through gauze after gauze. This time, the vein shut down and collapsed at the same time, so luckily there wasn't much blood, but my wrist is swollen and sore... Bad times...

I was there because my chest refused to play nice. It was so weird, I was a little off colour and tired, but I never expected such an attack. After 2 nebs at home, plus the hourlys I'd done all day, it soon became very obvious, I was not going to get any better. So Steve did the responsible thing and called 999 and got me an ambulance. I was whisked away, Oxygen driven neb on the go, to the hospital. Where I was given about 3 more nebs and some steroids. As well as more oxygen. I was really not improving and the doctor was running out of options. So we opted to try something that we had never done before. An infusion of 2g Magnesium and 250ml of 0.9% Saline solution direct in to the vein.

What amazed me was within an hour I was starting to really feel better. By 3 AM I was almost back to normal, however, I did start wheezing again when the doctor, funnily enough an old consultant who didn't believe in asthma, go figure, came to see me. We had a good banter and a laugh and he said I had looked a lot better and certainly sounded a lot better previously. I was given Prednisolone, Clarithromycin (antibiotic) and other medicines. I am now on rest orders, whether I like it or not, and I have to take it or I will have to spend more time back in hospital. As lovely as the staff are, I really can't afford to go back there for any period of time.

Thanks to everyone for the get well wishes. I will be back on my feet again soon :)

Loves
Wendy xx

Keeping it simple...

Is it me or are the simpler things always the nicest? I think just lately and after such a scary admission on Monday, I really have just taken stock of everything around me and looking at everything from a different angle. Normally by this stage of the week, I would frankly be really bored and grousing for something to do with my time. These last few days, I just took to relaxing to music, rediscovering bands and songs that I like, and I mean REALLY like. I think we take small things for granted as we forget that they are only there because we work for them.

I am still carrying my I Pod round with me, rather like a small child with a teddy bear, and every chance I get, I just seem to be either listening to my music or playing on the PSP. OK its been mainly on the X box as well just lately, but where I am on FF XIII you really have to grind the levels to get anywhere, which can get tedious and frustrating. I mean, I have walked around the same environments and beaten up the same monsters for the umpteenth time in the last few days, but as soon as my levels are maxed out completely and the weapons and accessories can't upgrade further, I will then look at fighting the rather ominous looking boss that seems to be looming at the end of the road.

I think that just lately, I have just been blowing off steam and venting my frustrations over everything. Waiting for something to happen. Unfortunately, I can,t keep waiting as I know in myself that there really isn't that much that can be done for me at the moment. Unless of course it is found that my sputum samples do grow something, and then they will treat for mild Bronchiectasis which would entail all kinds of prophylactic antibiotics and physio to help me clear my chest a bit more effectively. I have to email my consultant's secretary soon and make an appointment. I emailed him yesterday and told him everything that had been going on these last few weeks and he wants to see me, catch up and get everything back on track, I am on 40mg of Pred today and its getting on my nerves, but I have had this rant many times before.

Today, I managed to get out for a bit, Ant was off to Evesham for a spot of job hunting, and asked if I would like to go with him. I jumped at the chance to get out of here for a little bit, have some time for myself and get some space. At times being stuck at home when there really isn't an awful lot anyone can do about it can get more irritating than anything else. I think after a while the walls start to close in around you and all you really want is to just get out and escape for a little while. I do admit there are times I do miss my independence, where as before I used to come and go as I pleased and only had to worry about going to work, but I also realise that I can all to easily fall in to dispair and that wouldn't help anyone really.

Enough of my ramblings really, I hope you are all keeping well.

Loves
Wendy xx 

Taking a few days...

Sometimes when your feeling a little crappy and sorry for yourself, you just need to make some time for yourself. I guess thats what I have been trying to do today, watching some (for want of a better word) crappy TV, playing some video games (OK I need to lay off Oddworld at the moment as I had a dream that I was Abe's girlfriend... I have NO idea there) and resting up as best as possible.

Yes the picture is of my dream fella... OK I was a blue Mudoken so at least it wasn't inter-species, but yeah I was dreaming that my boyfriend was Abe... and we met when he saved me from an especially angry and aggressive Scrab (some sort of shrieking creature with teeth and a nasty temper) by possessing it so that I could climb up and escape. It was nice in a sort of disturbing way. Among my usual dreams involving Sephiroth and fighting monsters in Midgar. I am starting to worry about my sanity.

Today was spent just spent relaxing, playing on Dissidia and Final Fantasy XIII. Last night I found out THE coolest thing I have heard in a while. There is going to be a sequel to Dissidia... I CAN'T WAIT! It's only March so it isn't like waiting for the first one. I am a bit of a gaming nut but if I am honest, it is all I have to do during the day sometimes, other than running myself ragged, cleaning and then flopping in to bed with exhaustion.

I have recently acquired an I Pod (buying it from my friend Ant) and am currently smitten with it. The thing spends so much time in the pouch around my neck or in my hand, tucked in to the waistband of my PJs, or under my pillow. Its like all of a sudden I am joined at the hip... not that this is a bad thing. For the record... yes Ant, I did put Advent Children on there in the end... couldn't help myself, but lying in bed watching Cloud and Sephiroth go at it was in a word... AWESOME!! Just lately, its the simple pleasures that I am really taking in, I know that sounds corny, but it is just the simple things that make my life just a little more palatable.

Loves
Wendy xx