Forms...

I hate them. With the sort of passion that most people would assossiate with someone that would, well not like to kill, but would rather they didn't live anymore. I think its been annoying considering that most of my time since my disability really became a major factor in my life has been spent filling out this form, that form and some other random form, another interview and assessment, it was really crazy at times, but to be honest, I am getting there with it all now.

Since my DLA was awarded (as well as a handsome Adult Care Grant of £70 per week for my care needs) and the possibility of another £30 from the Severe Disablement Allowance people, I have finally been able to secure my financial security and get myself back on track, as well as allowing myself the ability to pay for help when I need it which means that I can now live without worry or the threat of having the metaphorical rug pulled from under me. This has made me feel so much better about things.

Now I have said it before and will probably say it again and again, but I really do owe a lot to the PDSS, in particular my support worker Lee who has helped me dig through the minefield of DLA, adult care and Lifeline. Before I felt as though I was in a hole which constantly seemed to get deeper and more daunting. I was in such a bad place and I became so unhappy. I became so deeply depressed that I was considering ending my life. I am happy to say that now I don't feel that bad and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, not the freight train about to flatten me. I was constantly sick, I was deprived sleep and I was caring for someone who often said he didn't want it, but he would be horrid if I didn't. I really have come a long way from that and I really do hope that I continue to grow and become a better person as a result.

As horrid as the past has been at times, I still believe that it has given me at least that time to grow in myself and see less of the negative side of life. Even if it does mean that I have to fill in the odd form for my bus pass or disabled person's railcard. I guess at the end of the day, I am finally getting what I needed so that I can continue to make big steps and get further in life.

I was told that people looked down at me or judged me for getting the flat and what benefits that were paid in my name after Steve left the flat. But at the end of the day, what people need to remember (other than getting BOTH sides of the story before making a judgement in the first place) is that those benefits were paid to ME and the fact he had nothing when we left was that he was entitled to NOTHING as he OWED me a lot of money from various things and we had AGREED this with a witness present before any action was taken. Although I know that no one really made any judgements and this was a guilt trip, I know that if you really knew me and the situation, you would have known the reality would have been more informed in your judgements, but frankly if you still want to believe that I usurped or used that person then be my guest, you do not matter to me and you are probably blinded by your own arrogance.

Make your judgements if you will, I will never let you get to me.

Loves
Wendy xx