Reminders...

After my awful mood with everyone and everything last night, I think I was at that point where I needed to be reminded of something sweet and pure. That reminder came in the form of our 3 guinea pigs. Patch, who is my baby, crawled under the quilt with me and just snuggled down, which was really lovely. A typical thing for Patch to do really and it was so affectionate.

I was then met by the pups. They really are bonkers little creatures. In to everything and anything and always up for cuddles and play. Hope is getting bigger and is actually seeming to get fluffier which is the cutest thing ever. He is a vocal little creature as well and makes a lot of high pitched wheeking noises when he runs over to me. And Gizmo, well he has discovered a taste for something he probably should avoid. Gizmo is the first guinea pig I have ever met that will snaffle a cup of tea. He was climbing the cup and lapping it up as if it was nectar from heaven. I know it is probably not good for him but he loved it and it really was quite funny. Our little baby bull.

I fell asleep after my weekly fix of Glee and Tool Acadamy, as well as some Family Guy. My pain relief at the moment is pretty good and I have been kept a lot more comfortable than I have in a long time. My peak flow last night was better than it has been in nearly 2 years. After madly pumping in the same dose of a neb through an MDI (running low on Atrovent nebs so I thought instead of worrying I would try and just keep up with MDI's). To get the 500mcg dose from an inhaler which gives 20mcg per dose, I had to pump in a whopping 5 puffs per 100mcg. So that worked out at a 25 puff dose through a spacer. It seems a lot, but in actuality it was literally just the same as a nebuliser dose. With a 5mg Ventolin neb on top of that, I managed a peak flow of 430 l/min, which is actually what someone of my age and height should be getting so I had to have done something right!

It also meant that for the first time in a while, I was able to get a good nights sleep, free from pain and breathlessness, I didn't cough or snore in the night and I woke up feeling revitalised and energetic. This is something that almost never happens and I can be up several times in a night just to have an inhaler or take some painkillers because it can be just that painful at times. People don't realise just how painful asthma can actually be. When I have had a bad few days with it, my airways can feel very raw and sore, my chest muscles will be strained and over worked from the effort of taking a breath and I feel like I have been made to run several miles. It really is hard work sometimes and its not something that many people realise.

The common school of thought is that people with asthma only need a blue or brown inhaler, their lives aren't limited and they usually grow out of it. Yes this can be the case and I am thankful that there are people out there whose experiences are at least OK, but I do understand now the extent that brittle asthma can limit your life on a day to day basis.

Just 2 years ago, I was able to walk the 2 miles up hill to town with no problems and I used to love cycling. I spent time partying and having a lot of fun and my asthma never stopped me. I was only taking 2 inhalers and a nightly tablet. Yes I had been through some exacerbations requiring hospital treatment, but I always bounced right back. I am thankful for that time that I did have and I accept that I may never be able to go back to that lifestyle, but I will do my best with what I have. Even if there are days when I am just not well enough to leave the flat or all I have done all day is sleep. I think I would rather concentrate on getting well right now than anything else. My airways are scarred and damaged, some of them are widened, but I know there are people out there with a hell of a lot worse and I admire them for their strength, generosity and attitudes to keep going. People like that are rare gems and are such an honour to talk to and be acquainted with.

I honestly think if we can all take stock of what we have and remind ourselves of what we are truely blessed with, I think we would be happier as a society.

Loves
Wendy xx