Flat Out...

Have you ever woke up feeling a bit pants but end up trying to get everything done all at once? I think I am having one of those days. I woke up, well I say woke up, I was woken up by some obnoxious moron banging on the wall even though the music that was offending him actually wasn't us, but there you go. As for me, well, I am currently trying my hardest to find some kind of work that I can do keeping in mind about my disability and the weekly hospital admissions that could be holding me right back. I mean, if you pointed me in the direction of ANY job that would have me, considering my health and the fact that it would be damn near impossible to expect me to sustain something intense with my health, but I am looking.

It looks like my best work would be something working from home, online. I have some ideas of some kind of home business and I know my support worker would help me set that in to place. My ideal business that I would love to own and run from home would be a Craft supplies seller, so I may talk to them about setting up my own small home business, it may not be much, but it would be something to keep me ticking over, bringing in a bit of money for us (of course it would be deducted from my benefits which I honestly don't mind, I would prefer to be off them entirely, but some income support would be helpful, and I would be 1000000000000000000000% honest about what I was making) as well as me actually having a job, which since getting sick, has been the hardest thing ever.

It is made even harder when you have to justify this to someone who really doesn't get the whole thing. I am sorry if this sounds critical, but it is true. I know there is no excuse not to work, but unless you are living with a disability and spend at least 2-3 nights a month in the hospital, as well as in and out visits, it just isn't possible. Nor is it wise. I do understand that this person works hard and I do admire him for this, but I wish he could see the reality of this situation. I would love to work, heck I am bored shitless at home frankly, but at the moment, I am just too sick and that is the truth of the matter. Not me making any excuses or trying to sit on my ass all day, I am just not well enough and I can't spend more than a week out of hospital. My doctor agrees with me and he said that it would frankly be negligent to sign me back on for work as I am just not up to that at the moment. It is almost as bad as the reforms which are trying to force the sick back in to work, it is just not right.

I have said it before and I will say it again, when it comes to living with any kind of disability, if you don't have it, you just don't get it.

Maybe this was half of my friend's trouble, he just doesn't understand it and I frankly do a good job in hiding when I am really not well. But that is something I have always done and will probably continue to do until it kills me. It is because of people like that who make me feel like I need to justify myself and why I live this way at the moment. I live like this NOT through choice. I exist in this because this is what I have been left with, so please don't judge me. Don't you dare judge me.

Loves
Wendy xx