Guilty confession...

I had a band practice today, it went really well, as normal really, but we still don't know what is supposed to be happening on Monday. Are we playing the gig at Subside or aren't we? My guilty confession here is that I kind of hope we don't, my health playing up as it is and it would look awful if I were to go in to acute respiratory distress on stage in front of a live audience. Not an idea I would like to entertain.

Redditch is under a blanket of snow and it is absolutely freezing out there, and if an ambulance had to come up here, I can just imagine the trouble and really am going to hang on until there really is no other option. I can't see things getting much worse, but I have a habit for speaking too soon and being proven completely wrong.

After band practice, I completed Crisis Core again. I love that game and the end makes me cry, however as someone I know is playing at the moment I will not post spoilers here, but now I can start in hard mode and see how bad I fail this. I had to use my guidebook earlier on one bit as I get a bit lost in the area and marked on the map where it was I needed to go. I got there in the end and did the last fight with no problems.

I have started assembling my Another Day In Midgar portfolio, with all my print and illustration work in one place and its nice to look through and fills me with pride as I look through at a selection of pencil illustrations and Photoshop work. All of it is inspired by, or even inspires, what I love writing in my spare time, something I have an awful lot of right now. ADIM really gives me hope and a distraction when I have bad days or I just generally feel crappy about myself or everything around me. Then again, exploring Sephiroth's life before he went mad was something I used to do when I was a kid and needed an escape at home. I would fill notebooks (I wish I had some of these still) which I would hide away with ideas and stories and other ideas I had. I never showed these to anyone nor did I tell anyone about my own little world and that made me feel safe. I had my little world, a cave I could hide in and a friend who could protect me from everything. Even if this was just in my imagination.

I guess why the character still holds his own place in my life and the models I collect are so precious to me, Sephiroth was my hero. In some ways he still is and I am thankful that he was created and then Stephen showed me the game where he found his fame. I guess this is one of my more intimate thoughts and something that I never shared with anyone really. Not even with my friends or family. I was always scared that people would reject me or take this special thing I had away from me. Or even tried to take my special hero away.

Loves
Wendy x