Inactivity...

The last few days for me have been spent in quiet contemplation. In that cathartic process of drawing, bringing characters to life for some odd kind of company. I admit freely the solitude is a bit damning and there are times that not having anything to come home to apart from my drawings and my guinea pigs does affect me in a profound way and I have taken to sitting around in the bedroom with some music, a can of Relentless and a stack of intricate and very well drawn work to shade, colour, scan, print, repeat...

When I do decide enough is enough and its time to sleep, I will admit there are times I become lost in these dreams of going on dates with characters like Sephiroth, Itachi Uchiha, and respectively 23-24 year old versions of Sasuke Uchiha and Shikamaru Nara (I think the Shikamaru one was my favourite one of the adult versions!). But they always end up with me when I get home talking to Sephiroth, one of the few constants in my life really, and discussing my next steps with him. I think he plays the rational part of my mind and will give frank and honest advice. "Don't keep it all in", "TALK TO THE PEOPLE" and "come on, get out of this rut now, it's obvious even YOU are bored with it."

So just lately I've been doing just that. I've been going out. Heck I even ask my carers in the morning to help me with personal grooming, dressing and generally making me look as nice as I know I can. A dab of concealer has really worked wonders for my self confidence!

Loves
Wendy xx

My Drawing Technique...

Over the years, one thing I have always enjoyed is putting pencil to paper and drawing cartoon characters. More recently it's a love of drawing manga and anime characters. It's been a rewarding way of spending time and relaxing, but it has allowed me the chance to develop and hone my own style and way of doing things. People often ask me how I do my drawings, so I thought it would be interesting to draw and show my techniques and tools of the trade.

OK... What I use:

1. Daler Rowney Layout Paper (In various sizes)
I like this to draw my initial drawings where I draw the outlines and some of the early shading, its smoother than normal paper.

2. Crayola coloured Pencils.
The smoothest colour laydown ever, theres just none better.

3. HP scanner/printer
I've had it for 3 or 4 years and it was the best £30 I ever spent.

4. My laptop and Jasc Paint Shop Pro
Thank you Mike Landreth for showing me that awesome piece of software.

Right so now you know what I use, now I can show you how I use it. With step by step images.

Step 1:

I start off with my original drawing with pencil, then using black crayon, I begin outlining and blocking out early levels of shading, some light details. This helps me to lay down the building blocks of what the drawing will look like when it's done. Sometimes I do this with inks. Occasionally this also shows early details or even some mistakes which you don't want to make it in to the final piece. 

The shading is a little crude and untidy, but the next couple of stages will iron that out, but before I can do much more to the shading and over all look of the piece, I have to move on to the next step.



Step 2:

There are some who would consider this part as a cheaters technique, but I personally like it because you can take what you have already and remove bits that didn't quite work right, smudges, even pencil lines. That's generally what I use digital techniques for, removing messy lines and clean ups.

The end result after being worked with an eraser tool looks a lot sharper, a lot cleaner and the contrast is improved. To me that contrast of dark and light is part of that anime/manga style that I love so much so to be able to achieve that with the simple tools I have is kind of what I go for. This is then printed out on to normal A4 paper, so that my next stage in development can begin.




Step 3:

Taking my print out, I then set back to work with my pencil crayon and redefine the outlines, reshade over the shaded areas and really making the piece pop. after this I am generally happy with my result, but sometimes I will repeat scanning and printing, then recolouring until the result is refined enough so that I am happy with it before the final colour stage.

The final colour takes a while, but it gives definition to the eyes, the soft feathery flow to the hair or the details in the props or costumes. I love drawing the costumes and eyes, they seem to bring the characters to life. The pose in this picture also gives me the feeling that the character (Itachi Uchiha - Naruto)will leap on his target as soon as he approaches.

This is my work and how I make it. My style is very personal and allows me to indulge my fantasy and my love of the Japanese media.

Loves

Wendy xx

Not Much To Say...

This is rare for me. I'm that unsure right now and its left me speechless. My elbow isn't healing as well as it should be and the doctors STILL don't know if it needs an operation to fix or if my body can do it itself. I guess I just want an either way decision now as its starting to bug me.

I think the prospect of a surgical procedure is scary because of how my asthma will behave (or not as the case may be) and with my birthday soon too, its just not ideal is it? I didn't realise till just a few days ago how close it is, and how little I cared at the time. But now I am looking forward to a day with friends and time with Becky soon after.

I just need to best the bad feelings.

Loves
Wendy xx

On My Travels...

Today, I am taking a much needed trip to Reigate to meet up with the lovely Becky. The idea is to meet up and come back here together. A visit with friends will help me right now. But saying that it has been planned again :) xx

Top 10 hardest jobs to do one handed...

Since breaking my arm at the weekend (and doing it properly as is typical of me) I've had to adapt to yet again, life with the use of one arm. I've now broken my left arm twice and my right hand once. Being right handed meant that having it immobile for 6 weeks was easily the biggest pain in the ass going.

How this came about was quite funny really, a perfect Wendy moment which to those close to me, is really not surprising in the slightest. I was pottering round as always and had settled to play on Twitter for a bit. After saying goodbye I got up to make tea and get ready for what would have been a fun evening. Instead, my foot caved and I went flying, landing by the guinea pigs who wheeked at me.

I had thought it was a muscle injury but no, its broken and badly at that so 6 weeks in a cast from my hand to my armpit. Much like the one when I was 13 and had fallen off my bike.

So the 10 hardest jobs are:

1. Cleaning out guinea pigs, theyre fast and are a 2 handed job.

2. Bathing. Can't get the cast wet, can't bend my arm.

3. Brushing my hair. Hair bands don't work one handed.

4. Cooking anything harder than a can of baked beans.

5. Making the bed and putting on a duvet cover.

6. Dialing the telephone. Awkward.

7. The supermarket shop. Pushing trollies is hard 2 handed. Then theres carrying it in.

8. Dressing. You need 2 hands. You really do.

9. Mail. Again didn't expect that.

10. Washing the dishes. One handed, its a pain, it really is.

Loves
Wendy xx

From the Ashes...

Have you ever had one of those days where everything reminds you of how precious life is. I woke up on Wednesday just itching to just start the day and embrace it. The weather was less wet than it had been in a while, heck even my asthma was behaving a little better than usual. I went out with Tom and had fun walking around, and some things I brought were focused on making me look as good as possible. For so long I hadn't even bothered to brush out my hair or get dressed and it was not a good place to be.

I then heard some tragic news and it shook me. Rachael Wakefield, a 23 year old girl from Manchester lost her fight for her life with a rare and devastating lung disease. Rachael insipired so many people to sign the organ donor register as well as became the voice of many others who struggled to get on the transplant list. Her strength and courage throughout her long illness goes to remind other people with illnesses and disabilities that it doesn't mean the end and that you can still do something positive. Rachael was the person who told me to keep pushing to get a proper diagnosis as well as inviting me in to a group of people who were in a similar situation with lung problems. She is now at peace and even though we are all sad that we had to say goodbye, we know she will always be with us in spirit and in each one of us as we fight to achieve our goals.

Young people with illness should embrace life, we are not just a load of statistics or symptoms, we are strong and inspiring people in ourselves and by not embracing life and taking it by the horns, it is an insult to all those people who lost their lives. I honestly believe that.

Loves
Wendy xx

Proud To Be...

Recent events and a lot of other things lately (something almost happened to one of my best friends and it shook me) and a few other things has made me think. Life is really fragile and when you live with an illness, it becomes even more so. This scares me in so many ways because it is never easy to face one's mortality, be it our own or another person and we tend to focus only on what may be or what "should" have been in our opinions. But we never really embrace what we have now. No one ever seems to just live in the moment.

Recently, that is kind of what I have been doing. I have been living in the moment and taking life by the scruff of the neck, doing everything I have "meant to" or "wanted to" and it has been a period of time where I haven't met with a HUGE amount of regret and heck, my moods have improved. I have been empowered by those who support me to get out, even if it means carrying enough equipment that I could be a paramedic or being slightly scared of the people around me.

A year ago, I could barely face being at home with 1 or 2 other people. I seldom went out and only did when I absolutely, positively had to. I missed a lot of college because my asthma was so out of control that I was embarrassed by it and terrified that going to college would result in a trip in an ambulance, but I had become this terrified and really nervous individual who was faced with criticisms because of her scars and her unique way of doing things. I was scared of people. I was scared of my then partner (but there were many complex reasons behind that, yet now I wonder what I was afraid of when I see him, but thats another story). And I was scared of myself. By that point, I just couldn't face another day and would scarcely get out of bed. What was the point?

What changed? Well, I grew up and got out of that situation and became so proactive in life and determined to change everything. I have wonderful people around me. I have courage to stand up and say "you know what, I have grown out of being a scared little girl, but it seems that a lot of people will never grow out of being jerks" and celebrate myself and my individuality. I like to wear gothic clothes, and long coats are just awesome. I have 2, a black trench and a black and red Akatsuki cloak. At the moment the cloak seems to be my favourite but thats because it just looks like it's popped out of the anime. As for the person who tried to destroy me, well that person is a petty creature who doesn't deserve my time, and what is the worst they're going to do? Write another blog about me that NO ONE is going to read.

So, what I propose now is for people to stop trying to be just like everyone else. Embrace life, be PROUD of everything YOU are. Stand up and say "Yeah, I am a freak, but I am MY freak" and essentially kick the asses of everyone who tells you you can't.

Loves
Wendy xx