No Quick Fixes...

Although my asthma usually spends most of the time in the limelight (as it is my most dominant and severe condition), there are times when other conditions I suffer with can show me how much of a pain they can be. My health isn't a simple case of "take this pill and get better" and I know this. In fact, there aren't any "easy" answers to all of this and this is something I have had to learn to live with. Even if it seems harsh and unfair. The worst thing about a lot of conditions I have is that there aren't any magic cures to make it better and often it comes down to just managing it and firefighting the symptoms as they occur.

Right now, it is one of my lesser conditions that is causing me a bit of grief. Since I was 17, I have had a condition that a lot of women have called "PCOS" or Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Basically it means that my ovaries become covered in cysts. Some of these are harmless and go away but lately, I have had a particularly bad one on my right ovary. This one seems to be aggravating my IBS (Irratable Bowel Syndrome) and as a result, I can't really face the idea of eating as it feels like rocks going through my gut. There are other issues around it as well but as you can imagine, theres only a certain degree of graphic that I think should be here. Lets just say this, I am glad for the grab bars in my bathroom or I would have nothing to grasp during particularly painful moments!

Having IBS means that of course, I have to be careful of certain foods that "trigger" the issue. Dairy seems to be the big one for me and often eating milk or dairy can result in some volatile reactions, cramping and (embarrassingly) wind. It can sometimes be so severe that I would happily eat nothing at all for a few days than have to suffer the pain of actually digesting food. This has been a bit of an issue recently and as a result I feel run down and really not well in myself. It doesn't help that my mind is giving me issues as well and I have spent the last month constantly apologising to people (mostly to Jace, even for something innocent enough like reaching over to get something or just moving slightly).  It is a bad habit of mine and I think it is a part of me thinking that I did something wrong when I probably didn't. I get very upset with myself more than anything I think.

When I get run down, that's when my asthma really gives me cause for worry. I think that my general health is off colour at the moment and this worries me quite a lot as there is so much going on around me at the moment too. I kind of feel like I can't get this right and that I am unworthy of anything, my personal confidence is currently down but I am trying my best to make this better. Even if it seems hard at times. I'm trying to find positives in things even on days where I would sooner just crawl in to a hole and there are days like that when things just seem to mount up. I feel at ease now because the things that I was concerned about are sorted and things are getting better. Thats the thing about life, as many curveballs as it throws, it also throws good stuff your way too, you just have to keep your chin up and remember that you have beaten things before. You will beat them again.

Oh, and give yourself something to look forward to. For me, its the Sephiroth promo foil card that Jace helped me negotiate with a seller for. There were only 60 non-foils given out and about 20 foils so this card is rare, its beautiful and its going to enhance my deck in ways that we could only dream of! Of course this also means that I now one of each Sephiroth card currently available!

Loves
Wendy xx