Life is...

I find it weird when people ask me how I put up with it all and how I cope. Like it was a conscious effort on my part to keep going even when I feel exhausted and like I just want to go and sleep for a month or so. To be honest, I never know quiet what to say or how to say it because for me, this isn't just some "thing" I do. It is just simply life. We all have choices in life and some people have the choice to be happy and simply don't do so because for whatever reason they don't think that they can. Of course I am not saying that people don't have difficulties which are often relative to the person encountering them (some people can't cope with things the way others can which again is fine, that is normal).

I find it interesting to see how things can just happen. I think that the biggest lesson I've learned from my experiences is to keep a philosophical view to things and trust my own instincts and intuition. Oh, and to not let the ignorance of others get me down. No matter where you go or what you do, there's always going to be someone somewhere who thinks they know better and no one will convince them otherwise! Fact is, people can lie all they want, some of them are so bad and make no sense and it's really actually quite funny. Best one recently was that down in Abbeydale someone was convinced that my friends and I were always smoking pot (with an oxygen tank, even a moron could put 2+2 and see that this wouldn't be clever but then again, this is a special kind of fool, not to mention the whole chronic respiratory problems or the fact that even when police were called in to search my place they found nothing whatsoever, person was apparently to be done for wasting police time).

The irony in that is that I seldom even drink alcohol nowadays (special occasions only and in very small amounts as alcohol and a number of my tablets do not mix) and have never done hard drugs. I experimented a few times with weed when I was a lot younger but that's about all really. Compared to many my age, I've lived a clean lifestyle. And what oddly enough, I'm proud of that.

I look at things in this way because I have no other choice. You either deal with it, or you deal with it. I was dealt what you could call an unlucky hand. That sucks but the thing I did was turn that "bad luck" on it's head and found ways around it. For instance, I find that while I am unable to work, I have more time to dedicate to things I enjoy and find things that matter to me on a personal level. I have found that I have been able to dedicate more time and attention to the small squeaky creatures that I share my home with, and importantly, I don't take those moments of happiness for granted. When you offer your pet a food item and they come right up and take it from you, its a rewarding thing because you know that you have earned the creature's trust and affection. It's even more rewarding when someone moves in and the animals are instantly accepting and friendly towards them. I think that my recent idea of staying positive and keeping things on a positive note may well be finally paying off. I mean, I know its easy to fall in to melancholy and even easier to just stagnate there but I wonder, is that the best way for life? It's annoying that there's so many people who wallow in how unhappy they are about the way their lives are going and usually things are not that bad. Maybe it's just that people like to complain. I prefer to look at things in a way that says "OK. This is what it is, BUT this is how I can make it better."

During his time here, Jace and I have been able to work around not only my conditions and the limitations they cause but we have learned how to be around each other. Sounds obvious but it's very important to note that even if you're in a relationship for a long time, it can be different when you share the same space. In some cases it can be the breaking point, but in this case it has been one thing that helped us get closer and closer. Jace has also been winning the trust of my little furry judges of character. It's worth saying that animals can often be very intuitive about people's personalities. Usually if the guinea pigs don't trust a person, that's probably because of a good reason. Yesterday, we opened the hutch door to see whether Yugi or Kaiba would come out on their own. Yugi is the more responsive of the pair and he was straight out, coming up and saying "hello" and even allowing us to give him a stroke on his terms. 

Things here are going really well, besides some health issues (the fungus among us has decided to rear its ugly head once more and my lungs seem to have become a holiday resort for it). Since Jace moved in with me, it has been like a new chapter in both our lives has begun and we are both just so happy about it. If anyone told me this time last year that I would be out of Abbeydale and living in a nice bungalow in the nicer area of Redditch with Jace, I think I would have looked at them as though they had suggested that the sky was actually green. Its amazing to see the change in both of us really, both physically and mentally. I think that being happier makes for a better wellbeing and I think that we are both feeling that things are just as they should be. And to be honest, I wouldn't trade that feeling for the world.

Living with my conditions means that you have to take things as they are. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes, we have our challenges. But through it all, we see it as yet more to strengthen our already strong bond. Jace seems to really be finding his place here and we have a happy home. OK, my health has been shaky these last few weeks but it's been possible to work around it with what medication and equipment we have available to us. Jace has learned so much already and he understands the signs of when I'm having difficulties. I've been having a few rough mornings the past week but we've been able to calm the things. It's likely that my autumnal fungal infection has decided to rear it's head, but it'll need clarification before we go nuts on treatment.

Its nearly a year since I left the flat and moved here. There are a few things I do miss about the flat but to be honest, the bungalow is more of a home for us. The flat kind of had this temporary feel to it. Maybe it was rushed so much because of that want to get out of the YMCA as quickly as possible as that place was just like a mental black hole. I don't regret the 5 years I was there, I had some very nice times. I do think though that I should have moved sooner than I did as the damp, mould and being too close to the neighbours for comfort didn't do me any favours in the long run but hey, we live and learn. If we knew the best things to do from the offset, we wouldn't ever make mistakes and would never have the chance to learn and grow from them.

For now though, I am going to rest and let my body fight this infection as much as it can.

Loves
Wendy xx