Reflections

I'm having one of those more poorly kind of days. I have a nasty fever, my whole body aches and well I just want to spend the day curled up asleep. But these days are kind of normal for me. Its not easy to live with life limiting conditions and there are days when I am better than others. It's just one of those things really. I like to think that I am at least keeping a down to earth attitude towards everything, I mean, I have said it often. I am not the only person, nor am I the last to ever have this happen and I am certainly not the worst out there. I know of people who suffer with worse and they never ever make a peep and people who have no problems at all and complain about everything. I think the balance comes from being, not happy, but accepting of my lot and taking each day as it comes.

Right now I have been concentrating on some unfinished cross stitch projects and getting them finished so they can be enjoyed. I have a fair few that I started and forgot about because other things came up and I am gradually working my way through them. I have some ideas for some projects as well and some designs I am working on charting myself. I find the process really relaxing and when I look at the end product I do feel really proud of myself so it does come to something in the end. I won't spoil too much just yet or reveal all of my upcoming projects because I want to show them rather than just talk about them, because in showing them I can hold my head up and say "Yeah. I did that." There is also a knitting project I must finish as well, and one that needs starting so there are plenty of things to keep me occupied (not to mention non-creative things like gaming, although there are aspects of creativity there as well!) and stave off "cabin fever" for a little while longer.

I don't like to be inactive in any kind of way. Even in my sleep, I am moving around and sometimes I have been known to sleep walk (and do very unusual things as a result, not limited to leaving the house and "waking up" sat by the River Arrow) or even talk in my sleep! Its annoying to me to not keep myself active. My body isn't really as good as it was and I now have major problems when it comes to post attack recovery. Because of how my asthma is, its like I am constantly in the throes of an attack and it is getting harder and harder for me to recover afterwards as my lung function is now only about 30-40% on a good day and even lower on a "not so good" day. So when you look at it, it is kind of a wonder some days that I can even muster the energy to get myself up and even more a wonder that I still refuse to let people do everything for me. Its just my nature I suppose, even if sometimes I forget my limitations and that can sometimes lead to some rather interesting situations. Admittedly, a carer finding me passed out in the loo was rather embarrassing!

Another thing I love doing with Jace is our Yu-Gi-Oh duels. Its weird, back when I used to play years ago, we used to play these weird truncated rules and they just seemed to breed lazy habits. When I duel now, I play to the official rules and regulations. I never realised that duels could be so challenging and the importance of only having a certain set of cards that work well as a chain rather than several cards that may work in a pinch and I found that a 40 card deck works so much better than a 60 card deck (more chance of getting cards that work together and cuts out all the messing around). Another thing that has grown is my confidence and I don't feel like I'm being held back. My recent purchase of the Blue Eyes White Dragon vs Dark Magician mat is still a marvel. I love the colours and the way it has both mine and Jace's favourite characters on, like I am dueling with a piece of him with me.

I guess, even though I have had a bit of a rubbish day with my lungs (they like doing the whole "wait until she's busy and constrict!" thing right now) but I haven't wasted my day. I have at least managed to do something productive and something that brings me a lot of pleasure. Being with someone who loves and supports me no matter what has really been such a positive change and I am looking to keep up with the positivity and I can completely ditch the past and move on with life. Because, that is what I really want to do now.

Loves
Wendy xx