So..That was what it was?

Well, I went to the doctors today (brought Friday's appointment forward by a few days, I can't say why yet) and was wondering what was so urgent that the doctors needed to speak with me. Last week, I had some blood taken to be tested for a number of things. Things like my aminophylline levels (which bizarrely are half what they should be but we don't know what to do there) and my creatinine levels which are slightly elevated (which could be a sign that I have some rather unhappy kidneys) and my infection markers and white blood cells (particularly neutrophils which I have had problems with in the past) to see exactly how overrun my body is with these almost constant infections, almost constant asthma attacks and now the resulting scarring and inflammation which has been caused. Overall, this equates to one very unwell Wendy.

Then again, the doctor could tell I wasn't well, it's a hot day and there I sat cold, clammy and shivering like I was being kept in the freezer! As well as being pale as anything, struggling with my chest and generally looking and sounding like crap. Natt and Tash have been a bit concerned about me recently as I have been so withdrawn and generally not my usual bouncy self, preferring to rest in my bedroom, getting breathless even with my oxygen and generally not being able to keep up with myself. I had been worrying a lot about Natt recently as he had a rather life changing occurrence recently himself (I won't discuss this here as I honestly believe that it isn't my place to discuss the physical or mental health of another as frankly it is no one's business but their own) and I guess I feel a bit like its in bad taste to run him around ragged. Luckily Tash has been helping us to no end and I am grateful for her. She has been like an angel of mercy and we are lucky to have her in our little group.

Overall it has been a bit of a tough week and it's understandable that we have all been feeling the pinch really. Luckily we have all stood together and looked after each other and gotten through it all. It hasn't been at all easy and there have been tears, anger and other emotions all coming out at once, no one ever said that life was fair and that bad things don't happen to good people. I made the choice that my personal burden was mine to carry and that I was always going to live in hope that one day, I will get some new lungs, the ultimate gift, and I will one day be well again. I am clinging to that hope and I don't think that anyone or anything could make me feel any different. We all just have to keep going and moving on with life otherwise we will just wallow in self pity and stagnate. And that would be depressing.

The next few days are going to be a mix of meds, sleep, stuff to do, and more sleep. I am so tired at the moment that I am falling asleep just sat here! I have been waking up at stupid times because of pain and have had to have some of my morphine just to rest comfortably. Morphine is an interesting medication because as well as easing the pain, it makes me feel rather floaty and light headed. As a result, I end up curling up and drifting off to sleep after taking it. It does really help with the pain though and I am also doing better because of the oxygen, it has literally transformed my life and although I feel crap at the moment, I do feel better in other ways. I feel like I can actually move around more and I don't get as out of breath as I did beforehand. I do however have to stop small furry things from trying to chew the tubes. Bumble is the worst for it, but lately he has been a little devil in a guinea pig disguise! Gnawing on things he shouldn't or chasing Tenzou around the cage. I think when he grows up, hes going to be the dominant pig.

My pigs and bunnies are doing really well. Riza and her daughters seem to be content with either running around each other or all 3 of them lazing around the cage. Loki, the lone bunny, has established that he is a people's bunny and will do anything for attention or a good long cuddle (or to try and run off!). The kits are 6 months old now, no longer little baby kittens but fully grown, fluffy bunnies, they're all docile things (apart from Riza who is still a grumpy old girl) and they like to be stroked and cuddled. They also all like to lick. The new pigs are settled in as well. Tiggy and Scruffy seem to be more interested in keeping out of Tenzou's way than anything else, but Scruffy does need to be brushed more (he is about 30% fluff) and his fur refuses to lie flat. He's always going to look like a sentient toupee! Much like old Yoda really.

I do miss Yoda at times. That hamster lived a long, happy life and he was a funny little guy. He looked a bit like a running blonde carpet when he was going and he was the first ever hamster I remember being able to BREAK his exercise ball. Nero gave it his best shot but never quite managed. I think all my animals have a place within my heart and when they die, I do miss them greatly, I was heartbroken when Kadaj died, but I was devastated when Patch left us. People don't realise that despite them being "only animals" they are companions and they are special. Patch saw me through some of the worst times of my life and he was always there for me. It was him that used to be able to identify asthma attacks and squeak until we noticed, I even trained him to bring me inhalers which was good to watch. Goes to show, they aren't exactly stupid.

I think I am lucky to have the people and animals I have in my life. I decided that, after finding out what I did, that I was going to only have time for people who I deemed worthy of it. Not letting other people bother me and telling everyone, including Jace, Becky and Kat that they are the world to me.

Loves
Wendy xx