.....

Today was one of those days that has been as emotionally difficult as it has physically. I mean, a lot of days are trying at best, but today I had to finally wave the white flag and admiot that after a year of ignoring the fact that my stomach always felt like it was burning and painful and the fact that despite eating a normal diet and everything, my weight had seriously started dropping and I was having a lot of problems when it came to the "exit" side of things. I think it had just been the fact that I have a strong rapport with my GP and he seems to understand me even when I am blushing bright red and stumbling over rather embarrassing symptoms. I think I find it somewhat awkward to speak to a professional person about something that I would usually be poking as much fun as possible about.

So when I had to explain to him about these kind of things, you can imagine my fear and apprehension. I was scared to admit that I was starting feel like I was scared to say to people what had been going so wrong. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't want anyone worrying about me when they have their own problems. I never like telling people when something is hurting me or that I haven't been eating much because I really can't face it anymore (I have dropped a dress size in the last month or so and none of my clothes fall off me) and when I did try to tell people, they seemed to have their own problems and they always seemed to come first. Heck, I had even gotten to the point that if Becky had a problem at a similar time, it became my practice to refuse to see a doctor (unless it was life threatening) until her problem had been addressed and completely fixed. This was my choice because in some ways I find it easier to help other people than to help myself.

So, the lowdown is that I may have a stomach ulcer and a potentially serious condition (anything from IBS to some other rather scary things) of my digestive system which makes it digest my food about 3 times faster than a person without problems (which explains why despite trying to eat well, weight seems to be dropping off quickly and that I randomly get hungry at strange times and often for something small like a chunk of cheese or most bizarrely half a pop-tart with the other half and the other on the bedside table, or under the pillow) but it also means that I don't always get a chance to absorb nutrients from my food properly which means that I have a few minor deficiencies which have been treated with supplements and other things. I always blamed my pred for the fact that sometimes I got the munchies at strange times but when I started realising that I wasn't piling on the pounds anymore that was when I thought that my metabolism had possibly changed.

The stomach ulcer could possibly be a stress thing. Over the last 2 years, I have had to deal with a lot of change and stressful situations. Things like relationship breakdowns, moving house and having another person come to live with me after months of settling in to a solitary regime. There have been any number of stressful things that have happened and its all come full circle to cause me a physical problem (more so than the flare ups of asthma and eczema which usually can be controlled) as I haven't had the tools in the past to address it.
 
All will become clear I suppose when I see a Gastroenterologist about the problems soon and we should be able to at least solve the mystery of what has been happening to my body and seeing how we can put it all back to how it should be.

Loves
Wendy xx