Ever look back on something you posted or said a few years ago and thought to yourself "OK, that's a sign of how far I've come." and then smiled a massive grin because you know you got there in the end? I get that some days when I look back on my Facebook posts, blogs and even if some old emails surface. Life, it's about change and growth, moving on from things and making your lot in life better. In the last decade alone, I have changed a lot of my attitudes and learned how to be an adult. I've faced challenges head on, sometimes I've fallen down but I've always gotten back up, found a way forward.
It's weird to think that over 10 years ago, I was about to move from my parents in to my first ever place. I was living the life of a typical young woman at the time and I was working. My asthma was still a butthole but it was tamable with my inhalers. Life was pretty sweet. Those few months at Room 7 held memories that I still smile about. When it was just me, Patch and my tiny hamster Zeke. I learned a lot about life in the first 2 months than I had ever known in 20 years and it was really a time of emotional growth for me. I learned how important it was to pay bills, buy my own food and do all the things that, up until that point, other people had done for me. It was tough and there were times where I had to juggle my money about but it made me stronger and I learned about being independent.
That's the thing about life really! It's a journey that everyone goes on, sometimes we walk together for a while and sometimes we walk by ourselves. We choose the paths we go on and no other can be held to account for bad choices (and trust me when I say this, we all make them but it's what we do afterwards that's the key). It's your choice whether you stagnate or pull your big-girl (or boy, depending on your gender of course), face the good and the not so great consequences and most importantly, learn from it. There really is no point in wallowing.
I certainly didn't wallow and stay at Stanley Close when it was becoming more difficult for me to live there due to my disability getting worse. To be honest, maybe it was the right time for me to move on as I just didn't suit the area or my surroundings anymore. Living so close to your neighbors can be very stressful. Don't get me wrong, there were some great times there and when Becky lived with me we had a lot of fun experiences. Living with Natt for a while was great fun too. I don't think that I would have coped with having to accept the way my life was changing and the things that I'd need without his constant support. He even supported me when I moved here. I even reconciled with my mum after 5 years (honestly it has been amazing and now we have a better relationship than ever).
Honestly though, I can say with 100% certainty that moving to the bungalow has really improved my mental state as well as my quality of life. I love waking up to birdsong rather than bratty kids. I love that we don't hear police sirens every day. It's peaceful here and living with Jace has been wonderful too. We've built a life here together and it's more than we could have hoped for. Admittedly the process of getting here wasn't easy and there had been times when I could have easily just given up of not for having the support of the people around me. I really was getting to the end of my rope and never ever left my bedroom because it was the only place I could hide away from everything. My depression was getting too much and my mind was going in to places that I must admit I felt I was just getting deeper. The noise of being in an area like Abbeydale and living between people whose idea of fun was blasting music in a competition of who could be the most obnoxious was wearing me out.
Funny thing, the first month or so here, I would be so unsure of myself and not used to the quiet that I spent more time in my chair just to make a trip of bedroom, living room, hall and back again than I could count. It was probably quite a sight to see me zip between the rooms just because it was was so quiet that that I couldn't figure it out. Even longer before I could finally relax and sleep, spending hours reading creepy pasta theories and watching random videos on my tablet, oh and playing games on my 3DS until about 3/4am. After a month though I managed to calm myself down and settle in to my rhythm here. Although my neighbour and carers must have been amused by watching me zooming around to find something to quiet my mind down. Being hyper vigilant can be a drag.
Til all are one
Wendy xx
